How To Establish Expectations With Asian Parents, it’s always been a challenge isn’t it?
In asian cultures finding that Balance between academic achievement with parents expectations is a delicate balancing act.
I know growing up that my parents expected me to do well in school get good grades get a good job. They also expected me to be a professional (I.e. Lawyer, doctor, engineer, Architect). Long story short, that was their dream and expectation of me.
The teenage life is already a hustle and some struggle, and for people like me – it really is a thrilling circus act of juggling flaming chainsaws (schoolwork deadlines), spinning plates (extracurricular activities), at least in my mind, it was.
But for many teenagers from cultural backgrounds that emphasise academic achievement, there’s an extra fire-breathing dragon (In the asian cultures we tend to associate with dragons a lot) to contend with: cultural expectations.
So, grab your metaphorical juggling pins (because let’s face it, sometimes it feels like you’re juggling fire!), and get ready to tame these dragons and achieve your academic goals while honouring your heritage.
Decoding the Expectations
Cultural expectations can feel overwhelming at times. The Meta Model can help you understand the underlying assumptions behind these expectations.
Here’s how:
- Ask clarifying questions to uncover the unspoken rules and beliefs behind the expectations. For example, if your parents say, “Getting good grades is the only way to succeed,” you could ask, “What does ‘success’ mean to them?” This can open up a productive dialogue.
- Words like “should,” “must,” and “have to” can create pressure. Ask questions like, “What would happen if I didn’t get straight A’s?” to explore possibilities and find a middle ground.
- Phrases like “always” and “never” can feel rigid. Challenge these by asking, “Are there ever times when…?” This allows for more flexibility and understanding.
Reframing the Narrative (in a Positive Light)
Here’s how to use it to reframe the cultural narrative around academics:
- Use this phrase to explore possibilities beyond just grades. For example, “You may discover that a strong work ethic and a love of learning are even more important than just straight A’s.”
- Connect academic achievement to cultural values. For example, “And as you achieve your academic goals, you will be honoring the family tradition of excellence.”
- Subtly suggest a balance between cultures and academics. For example, “Finding a balance between honouring your heritage and pursuing your academic passions can create a fulfilling and successful life.”
Matching and Mirroring (for Connection, Not Mimicking)
Matching and mirroring techniques can help you build rapport with family members who hold strong cultural expectations.
Here’s how to use it effectively:
- Subtly mirror a family member’s body language and speech patterns (tone, pace) to show you’re paying attention and respect their values.
- Don’t mimic! The goal is to show you’re listening and understand their perspective, not to become a copycat.
Most importantly: Building rapport always surrounds having a respectful conversation, not when you are screaming.
Find Your Balance
Here are some additional tips for balancing academic achievement with cultural expectations:
- Open Communication: Talk openly and honestly with your family about your academic goals and dreams. Find common ground and explore ways to achieve success that respects both your heritage and your individuality.
- Time Management: Learn effective time management skills to juggle your academic workload, cultural commitments, and personal needs.
- Celebrate All Achievements: Celebrate your academic achievements, big and small. This reinforces the positive aspects of pursuing your goals.
- Focus on Progress, Not Perfection: Don’t get bogged down by the pressure to be perfect. Focus on making progress and celebrating your achievements along the way.
You Are the Master of Your Juggling Act!
Balancing academic achievement with cultural expectations can feel like a high-wire act.
By communicating openly, and finding your own unique balance, you can achieve your academic goals while honouring your heritage. Remember, be respectful (we are asian after all)
So, grab those metaphorical flaming chainsaws (schoolwork) with confidence, keep those spinning plates (activities) in motion, and remember, you’ve got this!
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